Paying Tribute to Dr. Ruth Westheimer, A Renaissance Woman Remembering When Dr. Ruth Visited Forest Hills The Voice of Dr. Ruth Continues to Come Alive
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By Michael Perlman
Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer, often known as Dr. Ruth, “America’s best-loved therapist,” passed away on July 12 at age 96. Throughout her long, meaningful, and unique life, she earned many titles, including sex therapist, radio and television host, professor, author, and painter, but most of all, she was an educator and an inspiration upon several generations. As an empowering woman of wisdom, one of her numerous quotes was “If you’re facing a problem, don’t tell yourself you can’t do it. Convince yourself that you have the strength to deal with almost anything.”
Dr. Ruth came to Commonpoint Queens’ Central Queens (formerly Central Queens Y) in Forest Hills on October 15, 2018, ready to discuss her courageous life experiences and offered great wisdom. She also shared and signed copies of her two recent books out of her forty-plus books. The lecture hall was packed to its capacity, causing some guests to be turned away by the organizers. She was 90 at the time, and remained active and spiffy, and was also eloquent and grateful for the opportunity to share her diverse experiences and have a dialogue with her audience members.
Dr. Ruth takes the stage at Central Quuens Y, photo by Michael Perlman
Dr. Ruth Westheimer was born Karola Ruth Siegel on June 4, 1928 in Karlstadt am Main, Germany to Orthodox Jewish parents, Irma Hanauer, a housekeeper, and Julius Siegel, a notions wholesaler.
During the Holocaust, she miraculously escaped death, and was placed on a kindertransport en route to a Swiss orphanage. Valuing education, she studied in secrecy, since only boys would receive an education. After the Holocaust, she worked on an Israeli kibbutz and trained as a sniper. She would pursue her studies and taught psychology at the University of Paris in 1950, and in 1956, began a new chapter in her Washington Heights home. As of 1965, she became a United States citizen. Determined to live a better life, she achieved an MA degree in sociology at The New School, and an EdD degree from Teachers College.
Her book, “The Doctor Is In: Dr. Ruth on Love, Life, and Joie de Vivre,” also authored by Pierre A. Lehu, shows readers how she learned to master “joie de vivre,” which translates as “living life to the fullest” at any age despite challenges, tragedy, and loss. Her expertise was shared through private stories from the past and relatively recent past.
Another one of their works, “Roller-Coaster Grandma: The Amazing Story of Dr. Ruth,” with illustrations by Mark Simmons, is a graphic novel aimed at pre-teen and teen readers that offers a biographical journey of Dr. Ruth and her grandchildren through an amusement park. Despite twists and turns, it becomes apparent how she is a role model, and pinpoints her childhood and being a grandmother. Imagery distinguished the past from the present, as represented in sepia tone and color, respectively.
Dr. Ruth recalled various vivid accounts during her 2018 presentation. In Frankfurt am Main, she was an only child of Orthodox parents. She praised the early socialization of a child at home, citing two loving parents and a grandmother, who had nothing else to do but take care of her. “I did a study later on about the children who went with me to the Swiss children’s home that became an orphanage. None of them became drug addicts. This is because early childhood education was so successful,” said Dr. Ruth.
In November 1938, there was a conference called ‘Save German Jewry,’ which failed. She reminisced, “Out of that conference came a cry, ‘Let’s at least save the children.’ England, despite the fact that they had dark clouds on the horizon, took 10,000 German Jewish children to England. Holland, Belgium, France, and Switzerland took 300 each. If I had been on the list to Holland, Belgium, or France, I would not be alive.”
After the Night of Broken Glass (Kristallnacht), the Nazis came to their Frankfort apartment. Dr. Ruth recalled, “There was no hitting or shouting, but they took my father. I remember my grandmother having a long skirt, and in the seam, she had some money, and she gave it to the Nazis and said to take good care of my son. Then my father went out in the street. I looked out the window. I could see a truck, but couldn’t see what was in it because it was covered, but I did see my father turning around, and smiling because he saw me. That was the last I ever saw of my father.”
Dr. Ruth’s father was taken to a labor camp. “Then a card came, that I have to join the group of children to Switzerland, so that he could come back to Frankfort from the labor camp. I did not want to leave, but I had no choice. My mother and grandmother brought me to the railroad station, and I did what my father did. I wanted to cry, but I remembered that my father was smiling, so I smiled. I had one doll with me. There was a little girl in the same group to Switzerland, and she was crying. I felt that she needed the doll more than me, and gave it to her,” continued Dr. Ruth. She would receive letters from her parents until 1941, and in 1945, she learned that they were killed, likely in Auschwitz.
Switching gears, she also focused on her sex therapist career. A highlight of Dr. Ruth’s radio show career was her debut “Sexually Speaking” on WYNY-FM in 1980, and among her most memorable television shows was “The Dr. Ruth Show” on Lifetime in 1985.
In the Talmud, it states that “a lesson taught with humor is a lesson attained,” which Dr. Ruth referenced. As decades have passed, she did not lose her humor and spunk. In reference to her sex therapy radio shows, she said, “I got the program. I did it for one year. Taping on Tuesday afternoons, nobody at NBC worked. I told people to call and write me questions. Then I did it for 10 years from 10 to 12 on Sunday nights, which was a wonderful time slot. People came from the Catskills or the Hamptons. They got into their car at 10. By 12:00, they were home and sexually aroused.” Then she recalled pursuing 450 television broadcasts.
Advice offered today bears the potential to remain as solid as decades ago. “For the questions that I got on radio and TV, many of those questions are the same today. In those days, nobody knew about AIDS. I said how careful you have to be, which I am still saying today.” She also discussed why it was an easy task to publicly speak about sex. “I’m very Jewish. I have ‘Chutzpah.’ In the Jewish tradition, sex has never been a sin. It always has been an obligation of a husband and wife.”
During an in-person interview with this columnist, Dr. Ruth had a message to Holocaust deniers. “My obligation is to stand up and be counted, so that for those people who deny the Holocaust are just not educated enough to know that it did happen. Some people have Holocaust fatigue, and they may say ‘enough already!’ I have to talk about it, so that those people who deny it or have fatigue are going to be quiet.” She pointed out that her entire family was killed, and she was the only survivor, since she was sent to Switzerland for safety. “That’s why I call myself an orphan of the Holocaust; not a survivor,” she said.
Also part of the interview, she advised millennials to stay tuned. She stated, “Millennials, listen! I am going to do a brand-new television show. I’m 90-years-old and my co-star is 31. We’re going to be relevant for relationship and sexual questions to everybody who is going to view us.” She also offered advice for young couples, since time is precious. “For those people who have found a significant other, do get married. Don’t hang out there and think that something better is going to come up.”
Michael Perlman during interview session with Dr. Ruth
Dr. Ruth is fondly remembered by local residents. Patty Bugland was a Lehman College education student from 1975 through the summer of 1976, after earning her BA in 1974. “Friends who took the education sequence urged me not to miss her, and to make sure that I registered for the section she co-taught, and what great advice. Dr. Ruth was one of the best professors I was fortunate to know,” said Bugland, who found her to be refreshingly candid with the most amazing energy and lightning wit, and compassion and kindness.
There were laughable moments in a health and sex education seminar. Bugland reminisced, “She made us a lot more enlightened and comfortable about uncomfortable conversations, which she said shouldn’t be. Would we be embarrassed to talk about problems with our feet or eyes, so then why is speaking about sex so troubling? Where did we learn that? The world needs more Dr. Ruths.”
Bugland recalled how she would stand on a box to reach the lectern and microphone, and how she would memorably march down the aisle with a smile, greet her students, and begin each class with more energy than the majority of twenty-somethings collectively had. She continued, “You know the conventional wisdom about those in the back of the room, sitting there to doze off. That never happened in Dr. Ruth’s classes. She always asked for questions and concerns, answered each one, and often went overtime if she thought something was important. When she was denied tenure, we were stunned, but within a very short time, that turned into the very best outcome for a much broader audience.”
Years later, at the Museum of Natural History, Bugland crossed paths with Dr. Ruth, who was with her son, daughter-in-law, and grandson. She recalled, “I reintroduced myself, thanked her again, and told her son what an enduring influence she was. She thanked me.”
Alexandra Stutman heard of Dr. Ruth in the mid-1990s upon tuning into an NBC interview, and she was immediately drawn to her bubbly energy, directness, knowledge, and how outspoken she was about sexuality. “American society always struck me as too prudish and reserved when it comes to serious sexual education. It is almost a taboo, and that is not healthy. I have a few French friends, and their approach is almost the opposite. Dr. Ruth kind of shocked me, where even the interviewer wasn’t quite open to let her discuss the topic more in depth,” recalled Stutman.
That moment fascinated her, inspiring a quest to learn more about Dr. Ruth’s life story that blew her away. “She experienced much pain and obstacles, but still managed to make something wonderful of her life, which is brilliant,” said Stutman. A most humorous and very insightful interview from the 1980s came into her radar, but years later, and featured another favorite celebrity, Cyndi Lauper. She said, “Dr. Ruth was very insightful with her questions and Cyndi was not holding back either.”
Stutman called Dr. Ruth a trailblazer, who should be considered an American treasure and honored with a commemorative statue and plaque. “It should be something special and accessible to all.”
Around 1985, fan Lynn Goodman was an audience member on “Dr. Ruth Westheimer,” a television series, where a segment was dedicated to women with a particular illness. She reminisced, “My doctor appeared on the show, and she invited all her New York patients. We were treated like royalty in the famous Green Room. Dr. Ruth was the only one bringing it to light on a show, and she was very insightful. Both took questions from the audience. I commend Dr. Ruth tremendously, as she really was a pioneer, who helped people discuss sexual relations without being embarrassed.
Goodman will also remember Dr. Ruth as being one of the funniest people. As a case in point, she appeared many times on “The Howard Stern Radio Show.” “She was everyone’s favorite guest, who was hysterical and gave lots of good information.”
Goodman envisions a Dr. Ruth sculpture in Central Park. “It can be dedicated to her as one of the great women, human beings, and Holocaust survivors, which I cannot speak highly enough about.”
